Couples Master Coaching

This couple is typically highly passionate about multiple areas of life. They hold strong views, are highly sensitive to criticism, and reactions are likely to bring harmful flashpoints of hostility where nasty things are said. Over time, vindictive attacks destroy the positive romantic passion they had and their connection turns sour with both partners feeling unappreciated and unloved.

For passionate, expressive people, it becomes more and more difficult to keep this hurt to oneself and sharing with a work colleague can open up the floodgates for a romance to bloom. A passionate person by nature will behave passionately in an affair, because this gives them the space to express passion positively, and escape the negative hostile environment at home.

This form of escapism tends to reduce passionate eruptions at home, with the reduction or lack of attacks being the initial indication to a partner that something is going on elsewhere. This is when that partner starts going through the other partner’s phone, checking social media accounts, and checking search history – amongst other detective work.

Overuse of alcohol, drugs, porn, shopping

The range for compulsive behaviors is considerable, plus the degree of use (such as whether it is excessive or not). We could classify any of the above as a problem but not a disorder, or in reality, it may be a disorder.

It goes without saying that the likelihood of cheating occurring is very high when one is under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or watching porn excessively; particularly as a casual, one night stand. However, the odds of getting caught up in a long term affair is also high. This is common when the alcohol or substance user is in denial about their overuse.

For sound sustainable relationship rescue and rebuilding after infidelity, it is essential that substance overuse or problem behavior disorder is combined with expert couples guidance. This is where couples get lost in the maze of who they can turn to for this specific couples help.

We have the answer for you. We have licensed Couples Master Coaches who expertly integrate highly specialized ‘Couples Recovery’ with recovery from a substance or behavioral disorder across 90 days.

Control in a couple can either be ‘unilateral’, such that one partner is the controlling partner, or it can be ‘bi-lateral’, where the control dynamic is exerted by both partners over the other. In recent years, we have seen a significant increase in the number of couples seeking help where control is at the root of their dysfunctional relationship.

What we have observed is that where the control dynamic is bilateral, it is mainly men initiating therapy. Whereas when it’s unilateral – with either the female or the male being the controlling partner – then therapy is generally initiated by the female. Please note; Couples in Crisis do not claim to have any formal research to support this, other than personal records.

In relation to the occurrence of infidelity in these couples, it appears that the partner who feels that he or she is shut down by the control of the other partner – that is to say, has no voice in their relationship – is the one most likely to be vulnerable to cheating, because of their need to be heard and valued. Hence if it is bilateral control, then it begs the question; does that make both individuals vulnerable to connecting with someone else?

From my viewpoint I say yes it does. I’ve helped bilateral control couples repair and rebuild after one has cheated as a retaliation to the other partner cheating. Once they could see their patterns of control all was healed and sustainably healed with controlling behaviors replaced with goodwill driven, warm care factor behaviors such that they re-bonded closely.

The bickering, argumentative couple

Here the scenario is that both partners want to be right, to win the point, and the other partner to cave in and agree with the point they are arguing. This is the difference of opinion where neither party listens to the other, hence neither feels heard. This leads to a habitual argumentative attitude over minor day to day occurrences.

It’s clear that going from this bickering at home to an understanding colleague at work can build a warm connection. Where one feels heard and like he or she matters, it’s fertile soil for romance to blossom.

The friends but no passion ‘roommates’ couple

This scenario may bring comfort and a fairly harmonious life day in and day out, however with no spark of passionate buzz and no love making, the couple’s bond weakens over time.

These couples tend to do increasingly more things out and about without each other. This means many opportunities to be noticed by a third party, whether it’s in the workplace, in sporting groups, or hobbyists. These days, ‘meetup’ groups for people with shared interests are everywhere.

It is well known that romance thrives where interests are similar, because this scenario provides a lot to talk about, which can lead to forming a deep connection. It’s a tiny shift from being nice and friendly to being cheeky and flirty. The next shift from cheeky and flirty to romantic and sexual seems like a much bigger shift.

Yet, while it’s a large shift, for some people the human need to feel that excitement, to be alive through a passionate connection, transcends sensibility such that it feels an easy, natural shift. Often partners who find themselves in this situation will say they hardly noticed the shift because they were so wrapped up in warmth and comfort with the new affair partner.

When both partners in a ‘roommates’ couple seek expert help to repair after an affair, they also need specialized sex therapy incorporated in their 90 day program. This is because they have often drifted into just being ‘roommates’ due to a lack of understanding of intimacy, not knowing how to keep ‘love making’ alive, and not realizing how important this is to a healthy thriving relationship.

We have the answer for you, with our experts in ‘Sex Therapy’ and licensed Couples Master Coaches.

The disconnected couple

This is where even a strong friendship has faded away. There is no passion, no activities together, you are bored with each other, often bored with life. It does not take much for a third party to catch the eye of a partner who feels totally uncared about, a partner who feels fully at a loss as to ‘how to cohabit, co-parent, or co-exist’ when there is zero connection. This is most likely to occur in the workplace.

This scenario is also most likely to lead males to watching porn and using sex workers. It is also the key scenario where a female partner is most highly distressed when she discovers the betrayal and actually says “I didn’t realize it was so hard for you, and that you felt that way.” This is the scenario most easily repaired and rebuilt with a 90 day program if  both partners want expert help.