Our 90 Day Program

It’s ridiculous that it felt easier to pick up the phone and call a lawyer than it was to call a therapist.

Well it was easier to find a known expert family lawyer than a known expert marriage therapist. Many of our friends had gone down the lawyer path so there were several lawyer recommendations. No therapist recommendations were made.

Anyway I saved Dee’s number and had it ready to press ‘call’ several times but just couldn’t do it. I thought I would be judged, I felt a failure, I didn’t know what Couples Therapy could do after I had hurt my wife so deeply. I kept asking myself why did I do it? Why? Why?

I knew pretty well what lawyers do. They take exorbitant amounts of money, especially because of who I am and my success. They work out how much I am worth, how much they are going to charge and how much I was going to lose, in fact how much each of us was going to lose.

They make it a battle, extend that battle for as long as possible so they keep getting huge fees, and so much of what we have worked for goes down the drain, ‘dead money’ as Dee calls it.

So then, at the 11th hour as things were getting even worse at home and lawyers were pressing for payment to get going, just like with all my hard business calls I just set a time on my phone, then when the reminder buzzed, I just DID it. I DID it. I called Dee.

It was at that point I realized I was in a cold sweat. I have never had a cold sweat in even my most intense business situations. That was when I realized how much it meant to me to repair my marriage. I felt so vulnerable, so ashamed, so embarrassed. This distress, fear, helplessness had been dominating my every moment all day every day for many weeks since my affair was discovered.

I so wanted that call with Dee that I cleared my schedule for 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after the time we fixed. I locked my office door to compose myself and told my EA no visitors until I said so. She was stunned, I’d never done that before.

I was sweating. I was on edge. It was one of the hardest calls I’d ever faced. I was even greatly irritated that Dee’s phone message said she would call me because she would be coming off a support call with another client which may go slightly over time. My ego was saying, don’t you know who I am?

Then Dee called and she was warm, understanding and comforting. In just a few words it felt like she already got me, got us. She really got me.

I was fearful my wife would refuse to come to therapy if I suggested it because she had asked me to do counselling several times as I was distancing more and more and I poo poo’d it. Dee offered to call my wife and connect with her. We actually repaired our marriage even after it seemed so hopeless due to my 12 month affair. Those daily support calls saved us. I’d never heard of that before. We recovered from the devastating hurt and we are so immensely grateful Dee. THANK YOU!

We now know why Dee seems to be hiding – it’s so she can take care of the likes of us – out of the public eye and in the warmth, comfort and safety of her very private home. Perfect for us!

I was nervous, anxious and embarrassed because we are fairly high profile and we were in deep trouble because my husband cheated and we were terrified that a scandal would emerge in the media.

I had changed the locks on our house and told him to go elsewhere. I had been to a lawyer and was preparing for the advance payment which was a significant amount and I felt sick about it. I still cared so much for him.

A lot of things had not been right for a long time so my heart was saying forgive and my head was playing detective. I was searching everything on his phone. I was obsessed and it was making it all more painful. I was a mess on the emotional roller coaster.

Then we found Dee. She soothed and settled us, showed us a different way to cope with this shock and heartache. We immersed ourselves in her 90 day Couples In Crisis process. Dee’s daily connection support calls were the best part, the anchor for us to stabilize.

We had other issues so we added another 90 days with Dee.

I am thrilled to report that we actually did repair and recover plus sorted out the other stuff which was pushing us apart.

Three months ago I discovered my wife was having an affair with her boss.

I couldn’t cope and went directly to wanting a divorce. Hence we each made first contact with lawyers and we didn’t realize it but we were on a fast downhill ‘highway to hell’. Then we decided to give it one last chance and a colleague told me about Dee.

In our first call she nailed our exact situation and asked if we had made any advance payments
to lawyers. My immediate thought was that Dee was going to say we were a lost cause with no hope and that we should proceed on the legal path.

I was hesitant to say we hadn’t made a payment and that we were only a day or so from paying – $20,000 each! $40,000! Dee said “Hold off – let’s give it 3 months – what have you got to lose except 12 weeks? I promise you can only gain from delaying lawyers”.

We went with her and she was right – we had everything to gain. We did three two hour sessions plus several individual and joint sessions over the following 3 weeks followed by a mix of sessions and the daily support phone calls which really settled us and helped us to stay calm. Ours was all on-line as we don’t live in Melbourne.

I turned up on your doorstep 3 days after my 3 year affair was discovered by my wife.

I was terrified of telling you what I had done. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was an emotional mess. I expected you to give me a hard time and send me off with my tail between my legs.

Instead you calmed and reassured me that where there is life there is hope. You helped me peel off my layers of crappy ego and arrogant bravado to find someone I could learn to love and be proud of.

You guided my loving reconnection with my wife, you were our rock on our 20th wedding anniversary.

Those daily calls in the first few weeks were a lifesaver. I truly do not think we would have come through it all as we did without those. We were rocking and rolling from hurt moment to moment before. Those calls stopped that and guided us into a loving compassionate place instead of defensive arguments.

When we arrived at your doorstep we were both shattered.

I was proud, indignant and argumentative – even with you Dee…

I had cheated and thought I was justified because my wife didn’t seem to care about me. You put up with my attitude and softly guided me into vulnerability and opening my heart to my loving wife. I realized I was striving so hard for massive business goals and had forgotten to look after my number one fan – my wife!

Instead I pulled away and went for hero worship. The actual hero is my wife. I love her more now than ever and my focus is on my family now. Since that decision my business has grown bigger and bigger….funny that.

My wife had already made a $5000 part down payment to her lawyer because I had locked our funds so she couldn’t access more.

Needless to say she was ‘rope-able’ that I was blocking her run to freedom.

But in the end once we were in Dee’s safe hands and that $5000 was all we lost in dead money to lawyers, she was very happy I had blocked her funds access. In fact we joke about it now.